I need help.

Friday, February 10, 2012

I need help.

Hey guys. My name’s Jonah and I’ve got a problem. I know it’s not as important as some of the other things that people post, but I need some help. Ready?

So, I’ve got this girlfriend. She’s great, supportive, nice, funny, etc. But there are a few problems.

I’m hung up on a girl I was with a while back.
Sometimes I don’t feel attracted to my girlfriend at all. Sexually or … emotionally? Can you be emotionally attracted, or is it connected?
She identifies as a lesbian, or did when we dated before I came out. Now, I’m not quite sure what she identifies as. But she’s kind of “butch” looking, for lack of a better word. That is so incredibly emasculating. She isn’t feminine. That’s what I want in a girl. In fact, I want a straight girl with girly clothes, mannerisms and long hair. And I had one, and I’m hung up on her. I feel shallow.
I often doubt her ability to see me as a man. I just get the feeling that she doesn’t feel me for what I am.

I feel terrible. She makes me happy, but I’m just not comfortable. When we decided to try again, I said it was a trial run type thing to see if we’re comfortable. And she is. But… I just don’t feel right sometimes. I’m her first love; if I end it again, I don’t know how she’ll react. I don’t want her to get depressed again. I love her, but I’m not sure I’m in love with her.

I don’t know what I should do. Do I stay or do I go? I don’t really want to date anyone else either, aside from the girl I’m hung up on, but that won’t happen. I would probably rather be single. But my girlfriend’s a great support system. I hate relationships.

Help a brother out?

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